


Silver Linings

by mirothecat



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 20,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirothecat/pseuds/mirothecat
Summary: Defeated, captured, and gravely injured from the battle, Loki is truly broken. But every cloud has its silver lining, and his long convalescence presents a new chance at life. (Quite an old story, cross-posted from fanfiction.net.)





	1. Prologue: End of the Movie

Loki knew he'd lost before the battle was over. Maybe the Chitauri would still win. But he'd be in no shape to make use of their victory. He was stronger, more resilient, than a mortal man, but even he could be hurt. And hurt he was. Being thrown from his flying chariot and landing on a cement rooftop fifty feet below wasn't exactly healthy, and it had gone downhill from there. He didn't even try to move when after what felt like an eternity the Hulk dropped him. He couldn't. He couldn't remember how to operate his limbs. The air felt too heavy to move, so heavy it was suffocating him. He just couldn't.

When finally he succeeded in pushing himself to a half-sitting position, it was to find the entire band of avengers standing over him and an arrow leveled at his throat. The sight made his head spin. Again.

"If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now." He wasn't quite sure where he found the breath to say it, but a drink sounded like a fantastic idea. Hell, give him the whole bottle and in his battered state that might even kill him painlessly.

No such luck. Instead he was rather forcefully pinned back to the ground, cuffed and gagged, and hauled to his feet by strong hands gripping his upper arms. They propelled him somewhere, and he staggered along blindly, kept upright only by the iron grips of the people propelling him. He was vaguely aware that he was in pain and that his captivity meant he'd be facing justice somewhere, but he was rapidly ceasing to notice or care. At some point they stopped and the people holding him let go, leaving him precariously balanced for a moment as a handle of some sort was shoved into his hand.

Transport between realms was not the most pleasant experience to begin with, and the hazy world had been rapidly turning to black even before it started.


	2. Chapter 2

As they shot through space, Thor saw Loki's grip on the tesseract's casing start to release. "No you don't, brother, I will not allow you to do that again!" He growled, narrowly managing to hook his arm around his brother's torso just as Loki lost his grip entirely.

"My boys!" Frigga started towards them as they touched down in the throne room, but her expression of joy quickly turned to one of horror and concern. Thor looked down. Loki, still clutched to his chest, dangled limp and unresponsive like a ragdoll. He felt a pang of guilt for believing that his brother had been trying to escape again.

"What is the matter? He is alive, isn't he? GUARDS!"

"He was on his feet a minute ago. I grabbed him when he lost his grip on the tesseract."

"Guards, take Prince Loki to bed and fetch a healer. Quickly! Thor, please fetch your father." She turned and followed the guards out.

After a couple of tries, Thor found Odin on the balcony outside. "Allfather." He kneeled to him.

"My son! Rise. I trust you have resolved the conflict in Midgard? Tell me of it."

"It is ended. Loki has been apprehended and brought back here to face justice, but he fell unconscious during the journey. Mother believes it real and not one of his tricks and requests that you join her at his bedside."

Loki was laid out on his bed when they arrived, stripped down to his underwear and being examined by the healer. He was deathly pale, his breathing so shallow as to necessitate a second look to be sure that he was breathing, and a pink froth around his mouth. Even Odin, half expecting one of his tricks, was a little taken aback.

The family stood by quietly as the healer worked his spells, breathing a sigh of relief that they didn't realize they had been holding as a series of spells ending in one that placed a golden bubble over Loki's nose and mouth eased his breathing slightly. The healer now straightened and wiped the sweat from his brow.

"His ribs are shattered," He explained, "and they punctured a number of organs including one of his lungs. I cannot magically heal bone, but I have healed the damage caused by the bone fragments, stopped the bleeding there and in his brain, reinflated his lung, and realigned all of his broken bones. That bubble provides additional oxygen to make up for the difficulty he is having breathing. He is badly concussed, his skull is cracked, he has lost a great deal of blood to internal bleeding, all that I can do for his ribs and broken leg are bandage them, and there may still be complications that develop from the organ damage. He will need close watching and it will not be a quick or easy recovery."

Frigga moved to sit on the edge of the bed, taking one of her unconscious son's hands in both of hers. "He will have everything he could possibly need to ease it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't have the healer mend him in a day, now could I? Not after the Hulk went to the trouble of doing so much damage. So I invented limitations on the healer's power that would let him suffer a good long time. And maybe cause results about which I'm well enough informed to write somewhat knowledgeably.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mother, go to bed." Thor set his candle on the dresser and sat down on the other side of the bed. "You need rest. I will sit with him while you sleep."

Frigga hesitated. "I don't want to leave him. He's so badly injured and I think he's running a bit of a fever…"

Thor felt his brother's forehead. "If he is it is not much of one. I promise I will monitor that though. Go to bed mother. I can send someone to wake the healer just as easily as you can should anything happen."

It felt a little strange to hold a man's hand, but that was what people always seemed to do at a sickbed, and Thor quickly realized that he could feel his brother's pulse against his fingers. He truthfully had no idea of how it ought to feel, but just to feel it at all was reassuring as he surveyed the younger man's still form. Loki had always been lean and wiry, but it had been many years since Thor had seen him undressed and the huge bed and draping silk sheets only added to the appearance of smallness. In battle it was easy to forget the difference in their sizes as Loki made up for it in nimbleness, but lying in bed with next to nothing padding his narrow frame, skin starkly pale in contrast to his long lashes and the halo of black hair spread out on the pillow, the bandages around his chest peeking from under the top of the sheets, that glittering bubble over the lower part of his face, there was nothing to detract from the impression of fragility. Even his hand looked small and pale in Thor's larger tanned one.

The silence was oppressive. Thor couldn't stand it. "I don't know if you can hear me, brother," He began a little awkwardly, "But I love you and feel terribly about my friends and I having hurt you so badly. I never intended to do you real harm, only to stop you doing harm to others. I suppose the silver lining is that there is no need to treat you like a prisoner while you are too weak for anyone to think you a threat and that will buy us time to figure out what to do with you." He paused. "I so hate to see you suffer and be powerless to stop it. It is my duty as your older brother to protect you and I hate the times when I cannot. Do you remember that pony you had when we were children? The first one, the gray. The first time that you fell off him and had to see a healer, I was so angry at him for hurting you. I marched into his stall afterwards and started punching him. Luckily he was a properly placid child's pony and didn't strike back, but the groom caught me and told mother on me. And do you remember the time you let a bilgesnipe into the great hall and I tried to take the blame for it because father was so angry? That was actually a great prank apart from father's reaction. Your pranks usually were right up until the adults got angry."


	4. Chapter 4

As the night wore on, Thor thought he could see a touch of color coming into Loki's face and was heartened that he was beginning to come out of it. By the light of dawn, however, there was too much color. Remembering his mother's suspicion, he pressed a hand to his brother's forehead. Burning hot.

"GUARDS! Fetch the healer. Tell him Loki has a high fever. Hurry!" A movement out the corner of his eye caught his attention. Had Loki moved? It wasn't a good movement though. The initial twitching that had caught Thor's attention gave way within seconds to a violent convulsion. "No!" He didn't know what to do, but this was bad. He knew that much. This was really bad. Where was the healer? He needed the healer. He didn't know what to do. He'd fly to fetch the healer here himself, but he couldn't leave his little brother's side. What could he do?

There was a jug of water by the bed. Thor remembered vaguely being sick with a fever once as a child and someone wiping his face with a wet cloth. Maybe there was a handkerchief in the nightstand.

The healer entered the room, his arms full of bottles, as Thor finished wiping the sweat from Loki's face. "Good idea your highness. That will help some."

Thor looked up, stress clear in his face. "He had a seizure. Just after the guard left to fetch you."

The healer ran his diagnostic spells. Thor fidgeted, holding in his desire to snap at the man to hurry up. Finally he straightened up. "He is suffering sepsis. A complication of the internal organ damage." He pulled a bottle from the pile on the table. "This will help. Two tablespoons every hour, and continue with the cold cloths to ease his fever. I will make more of the tonic today and bring it up."

"Will it stop him having another seizure?" Thor demanded to know.

The healer was already checking that Loki's broken bones had not become un-set, but shook his head. "I do not know. It will help, but it is entirely possible that that is a result of his head injury and the infection is serving to make it worse but is not the cause." He looked up at Thor's stricken face. "I will not give you false reassurances, your highness. I am doing my best, but he hovers at Hela's door and only time will tell what happens."

Frigga found him there, hours later, coaxing a dose of the tonic down his brother's throat drop by drop with a surprising gentleness for his size.

"The healer has been by?" She asked as he finished.

He looked up at her. "Yes. He took a turn for the worse and I summoned the healer around dawn. He is very ill, but the healer believes the tonic will help."

Frigga took her earlier seat and began gently wiping Loki's fevered forehead with the wet cloth. "It is your turn now to eat and rest. How much of the tonic does he get? Is there anything more that I should know?"


	5. Chapter 5

Thor!"

He turned at his name being called. "Hello Volstagg."

"You have been back at least a week, and I have hardly managed to catch a glimpse of you! You must come rejoin your friends! We all want to hear of your adventure in Midgard!"

"Two weeks and three days. I've been busy."

"You've been too busy to come to meals and yet you know the exact time you've been back. That sounds more like boredom to me! Take a break, come tell us of your adventures."

Thor hesitated. He had just been shooed out for food and rest by his mother again, and for all that he hadn't slept well since returning he was too wound up to sleep just yet. "I suppose I could visit a short while."

"That's the spirit!" Volstagg propelled him out the door to the large balcony where the friends had always socialized. "Friends, look who I've found!"

As they settled, Fandral gave Thor a nudge. "What's with the shadows under your eyes? Lying awake pining over your ladyfriend?" The warriors all laughed. Thor started a little.

"I… have not thought of her recently. I've had other things on my mind."

"What then?" Sif joined in, a little less teasing than the men, "How terrible must the battle have been to weigh so heavy on your mind?"

Thor looked down at his hands. "In the course of the battle, we hurt Loki. Badly. Worse than I ever intended. Despite all that he did and all the good reasons we had to be fighting him, he is still my brother and I do not like harm coming to him."

"You are still beating yourself up about this so long afterwards?" Hogun asked. "And you tease me for thinking negatively."

Thor fiddled with his tunic. "It is hard not to when I spend most of my waking hours at his bedside."

"Bet he's a diva." Fandral muttered.

Thor spun on him, half angry, half sad. "He has yet to wake. We worry that he never will."

"Simmer down." Volstagg stepped in. "Fandral meant no offense. Right, Fandral?"

"Right, right. Just came out wrong."

"We are very sorry to hear of his poor condition." Sif added when Thor didn't appear quite placated.

When Thor had left to sleep, the rest looked at each other.

"I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"Me neither."

"He's a war criminal, and I worry they forget that."

"Are we even sure that he's not up to something?"


	6. Chapter 6

Frigga thought she saw something move out of the corner of her eye and cringed. Loki's seizures had continued, though less frequently than they had initially come, and he always started twitching a little bit just prior to it becoming a full-blown grand mal seizure. She hated seeing him like this, but wouldn't leave his side for the world either. She braced herself for what was sure to follow, but something was different. These weren't the same twitches he normally had. They reminded her of times that she'd woken him from a deep sleep as a child. Her heart raced. Was it possible?

"Loki." She called gently, "Loki, wake up. I'm sure you can hear me. You need to wake up now."

She could have sworn his eyelids fluttered a little. She squeezed his hand. "Come on, wake up. It's past time and everyone is getting anxious."

This time she was sure of it. His eyelids fluttered. Fluttered again. And then opened. And he was looking up at her with big green eyes, looking sleepy and disoriented, but he was home and awake, and she couldn't blink back her tears any longer.

"Mother," He whispered, voice so weak as to be barely audible, "Why are you crying? What's happened?"

She smiled through her tears. "I am so happy to see you awake, my child. You were unconscious a long time and we all have been worried about you."

"Oh." He looked puzzled. "Is that why I hurt? Did Thor throw me into an empty swimming pool by accident again?"

Mother looked taken aback by the question, and Loki wondered if he shouldn't have let slip about the pool incident. He didn't want Thor to get in trouble for an accident. Thor hadn't meant ill by it, he just wasn't very good at thinking was all. Loki mentally shrugged. His head was too foggy to remember what he should or shouldn't keep a secret at the moment. Thor would forgive him.

"No, dear. I don't know exactly what happened. There was a battle in Midgard, and he brought you home unconscious."

"A battle! Midgard? Aren't we at peace?"

She stroked his hair with a very sad look. "I worry that your concussion has affected your memory. What do you remember- No, better, how old do you think you are?"

Now he was truly worried, not to mention becoming very tired by the excitement. "I'm seventeen, unless I've slept through my birthday." He saw his mother's face and his own face fell. "…I'm not seventeen, am I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suffice to say, time passes at a different rate in different realms, so Loki's age is how many years have passed in Asgard, not Midgard, since his birth. He's forgotten a handful of years, not hundreds.


	7. Chapter 7

Thor was surprised to see both his parents at dinner. "Mother! Father! Who is sitting with Loki?"

Frigga smiled, the most relaxed expression he had seen on her since his return. "He has woken." She told him softly, "I thought it safe to leave him for a short while, and he seemed glad to have a little space." Sif, passing behind the royal family on her way to the ale kegs, stiffened but kept moving. If the previous day was any indication, it was no use showing her concerns. Thor would only bite her head off. "He had already fallen asleep by the time I reached the door anyway."

"How is he? Does he chafe at being home?"

"Not at all. He has no idea that he ever left." Thor choked on his ale. "As best I can tell, the last that he remembers is shortly before his eighteenth birthday."

"We have a problem." Sif hissed, slamming her mug of ale down on the table with a little more force than necessary. "Loki is awake and unattended."

"That could be a problem." Fandral remarked with forced mildness. "What do you propose we do?"

She looked at him like he had three heads. "Find him and find out what he's up to of course."

"We can't all leave in the middle of dinner!" Volstagg protested. "That would look suspicious!" Sif glared at him.

"He's right." Hogun pointed out. "You know they won't like us questioning their judgement. I'll go investigate. You wait and finish eating before you follow."

Hogun sauntered down the hallway, trying to act like he was in no rush. He was the practical one of the group, and he was glad to have a head start on the others. He wanted answers, and he wouldn't get them if his companions put the trickster on his guard by rushing in on the offensive.

Loki's door was slightly ajar, and a guard stood outside of it. "Good evening Gunnar. Are the rumors true that Loki has woken?"

"I believe so. I think I heard part of a conversation between his highness and her majesty earlier."

"That's wonderful news. Do you suppose he might feel up to visitors? We have been worried."

Gunnar paused. "Welll… I haven't been told otherwise, and I know you're a friend. I suppose I could let you go ask him if he feels up to it, so long as you promise not to over-excite him."

"Of course."

Hogun slipped softly through the door. Loki did indeed appear to be there, dozing, nearly swallowed by the massive bed. He looked solid. One of his holograms that he so loved to conjure should not create a lump under the blankets, let alone one that moved as he breathed. He glanced from the door to the prince and back. Like the rest of their group, he had learned the hard way that startling Loki was a dangerous endeavor. If he were as sick as Thor claimed or just a hologram, there would be little danger of injury in touching him, but it would be a) out of character and b) considered improper should anyone see. And arousing suspicions would only make things harder. He turned and left with a brief comment to Gunnar that his highness was napping.


	8. Chapter 8

Hogun (luckily) caught his companions just outside the great hall and managed to steer them to the balcony.

"Any luck?"

"I found him and found no evidence of foul play."

"Don't fall for his tricks. He's up to something."

"I'm not saying he isn't, but at the moment he's fast asleep with a palace guard standing by."

"He fools enemies with illusions constantly."

"They don't deform objects or breathe."

"Why did you leave him unwatched?"

"I didn't. There's a guard right there."

"Well you should have stayed anyway!"

"He's asleep. I would have been kicked out if I hadn't left on my own. This way I'm allowed to come back."

"I'm going to investigate myself."

"Sif! No you don't!"

"I don't trust him!"

"Neither do we, but I trust Hogun's judgement. He looked for the right things."

"Come now, Sif, you're thinking like yourself. If we're going to catch Loki at his schemes we'll have to think like him."

"Fine. Oooh, my family thinks I'm dying, better use this to cover my tracks while I cause death and destruction. Let's throw in a few illusions to be safe."

"You're not taking this seriously. We've confirmed that he's present in his room and apparently asleep. What could his play be?"

"Maybe he thinks people will say things around him if they think he's asleep."

"And If he got hurt or depleted his magic in the battle, pretending to be in worse shape than he is lets him recover fully before they expect him to be recovered."

"And they're awfully lax about security while they think him too weak to cause trouble."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Let's play along but keep a close eye on him. See what he does. He'll have a hard time sneaking around if his concerned friends are always underfoot trying to be helpful."


	9. Chapter 9

"Welcome home, brother. How do you feel?"

Loki blinked the sleepy haze out of his eyes, a little puzzled by what he saw. Thor looked older than he remembered. Not old, but like an adult rather than the energetic cocky 20-year-old that he remembered.

"I am weak and hurt all over. Mother tells me I had to be carried home from a battle? Are you and our friends all in one piece?"

"…Yes." Thor hesitated, taken aback. "Do you really remember nothing of it? Mother said you suffered memory loss, but I was not really prepared for this."

Loki bit his lip. "She said as much to me as well, but did not tell me how much time I have lost." He braced himself. "Tell me, how old am I?"

"You are just a month ago 23."

Loki paled, no mean feat when he was already so pale. "Five years." He whispered, "Have I lain here in a coma for five years?" His mind was spinning with that discovery. That would explain why Thor looked like an adult now. He would be 25 now. He _was_ an adult. They both were. Did this mean that Thor could have been made king while he lay unconscious? If that was the case, he hoped that Thor had matured considerably in that time. More importantly, how had this happened? It must have destroyed the family to see him in such a state for so long. He hoped they had avenged him and destroyed those who had done this.

It had been so long since Thor had seen such an open innocent look of confusion and fear in his little brother's face that it was just heartbreaking. "No. No, you've been unconscious a little under three weeks. You lost your memory because of a severe concussion, so the healer says you may still regain it."

"Has anything important happened? Is everyone well? I have seen only you and Mother, so far. Did Sif ever manage to get in your bed?"

Thor looked troubled, but chuckled at the last question despite himself. "Her interest in me waned eventually. I have a girlfriend now, a scientist in Midgard. You gave me a lot of trouble about courting a mortal, I recall." He looked at Loki quizzically, as if hoping it would jog his memory, then straightened in a businesslike manner and whipped the cover off a tray that Loki had not noticed sitting on the nightstand. "In any case, I have brought you some soup from dinner. You should eat. You need the nourishment."

The smell was making Loki hungry, and he sat up to eat. Or tried to anyway. He barely succeeded in getting his head off the pillow. Thor sat next to him and lifted him to a seated position as if he weighed nothing, resting him securely against his own solid chest. Loki would have bristled at the indignity of it if it hadn't felt so good to have his perfect older brother's full attention on him instead of everyone cooing over Thor and ignoring him as usual. And, okay, it was embarrassing that Thor had to steady his shaking hands to keep him from spilling his soup, but the funny warm feeling that being so coddled gave him was almost worth it considering that nobody else saw.


	10. Chapter 10

"I've always wondered, did you have anything to do with my pony showing up in Father's study?"

Loki laughed, then winced as his still-knitting ribs protested. "That was an accident. I meant to put him in your bedroom to mess with you but he was spooked by a wall torch flickering and got away from me. Do you remember that one time that you tried to prank me back and…"

He was cut off by a muscle spasm that caused his arm to twitch. "What the…"

"Oh shit." Thor rushed and un-propped him from his pillows.

"What? Why?" But he couldn't get any more out, because the twitching had spread, and then he was completely disoriented.

_He was hanging off an abyss, him and Thor both. The Bifrost was broken, the end jagged and sharp. Thor clung to Father's hand with one hand and the royal staff with the other. Loki hung below him, clinging to the staff with all his might , but his grip was slowly sliding down the smooth metal._

_"Father!" He yelled, "I could have done it!"_

_Their predicament was somehow his fault. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he knew it was. What was it that he was saying he could have done? Something important, he was sure. Perhaps some task that Thor had messed up and landed them in this predicament, that he should have intervened and done for him for everyone's good regardless of who would get the credit. It seemed odd and petty to be asserting that he should have been the one to do some task while hanging in midair, scant inches from falling to his death, but no stranger than finding himself there with no context, really._

_"No, Loki." Father's words rang out, resounding with controlled anger and disappointment, just as he reached the end of the staff and tumbled into the bottomless abyss._

He was back in his bedroom, shaking, sweaty, sobbing and inexplicably tangled in his blankets. Thor, slightly older than he had appeared in the scene a moment before, was by his side wiping the sweat and tears from his face and straightening his blankets, murmuring comforting words.

"I was falling." He wheezed dazedly through the pain of injuries aggravated by whatever had just happened, feeling as though he had to justify his tears, "Father was angry and I fell off the Bifrost. I couldn't hold on and nobody held on to me." In his befuddled state, he missed the shadow that crossed his brother's face.

"You're not falling. You're here with me, and I won't let you fall." Thor gathered him in his arms, careful of his injuries but warm and solid and secure and radiating protectiveness. Loki couldn't remember the last time that Thor had been protective of him before the last few days. "Do you wish to talk about it?"

Loki paused. "I don't remember now." He mumbled, exhaustion rapidly overtaking him, "I feel frightened and angry and hurt, but I don't remember what I dreamt to make me feel this way."

"Rest then." Thor told him, gently rubbing circles on his back, "You are overtired and will feel better when you wake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I recall, the details of Loki's seizures are based on some case studies I read shortly before writing this story. So this is not a product of my imagination; there actually are/have been people with this type of seizure.


	11. Chapter 11

Odin was pleasantly surprised to see that his sons were getting along better than they had in years. They had been small children the last time he'd seen them sprawled in a pile like sleepy puppies, but as he peered around the doorframe he found Loki asleep with his head on his brother's stomach, Thor awkwardly petting him like a giant cat. A giant cat, now that was a good description for him.

Thor noticed him then, and almost jumped up before he stopped himself to avoid dislodging Loki. "Good evening, Father."

"Good evening, boys." He couldn't help but smile at how gentle Thor was being with his brother. It was a far cry from the rough and tumble play at best and outward aggression at worst that had been their relationship for years. "How are you both faring tonight?"

A shadow passed over Thor's face, which Odin did not miss. "He had a seizure today, the first since waking. During it, he relived his memory of falling off the bifrost, apparently with no context. Within a minute of returning to the present he could no longer recall what he had experienced, just that it was something upsetting."

Odin looked on the two sadly. "What have you told him?"

"Only that he was in no danger of falling and he should rest because he would feel better when he woke. He does not know it was a memory. He thinks it a nightmare."

"Perhaps he will remember again when he wakes. Regardless, there should be someone with him. He will undoubtedly have questions about what happened this afternoon, whether or not he has regained any memory." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "If you can extract yourself, you should go eat. Send a servant down with a tray for when your brother wakes. I will sit with him."

Loki was surprised to see his father sitting on the edge of his bed when he woke. He didn't visit as often as Thor and Mother did, being far busier, and they had ceased to sit by while he slept now that he was conscious.

"How do you feel, my son?"

"Continuing to improve, though still unwell."

"Thor tells me you had an interesting afternoon."

The events in question rushed back to him, and Loki sighed dejectedly. "I don't know what happened. It doesn't make sense."

Odin looked apologetic. "It seems that in the excitement of your return to consciousness we have neglected to give you the details of your own condition. I am very sorry that you were frightened because of our oversight." He brushed a stray lock of hair out of Loki's face. "I'm afraid that you suffer from seizures now, and we may have underestimated their effects. The ones we witnessed while you were unconscious we of course could see only the convulsions and not what you were experiencing during them, and from what I've been told about this afternoon it seems as if you are very vividly experiencing something."

"I had a kind of a nightmare." Loki admitted, fixing him with the look of a child begging for an adult to make things better, "Or something."

"Do you remember it at all?"

"No, but I know it was bad. I was really upset when I came out of it, so it had to have been something bad."

"It is possible that these are nothing more than dreams, brief hallucinations produced by the seizures. They may also be memories though. You did have a few painful experiences in the years that you cannot remember, and it could be that you relived one of them. I am afraid I do not have all of the answers."

"I know you don't, father, but I wish that you did. It always felt that way when I was a child."

"I believe that is true of all children. Do you want me to fill you in on the rest of the details of your injuries, or would you like me to give you some space to process what you've learned today?"

"Both, I think. I need space, but having more information might help me process it."

Odin smiled. "My little scholar."


	12. Chapter 12

"Have any of you found out anything useful?" Sif paced their balcony, "I agreed to not barge in on the condition that you lot would do some serious spying, and you've found out absolutely nothing so far."

"On the contrary! We've discovered that he sleeps a lot." Fandral retorted, "Which certainly supports the claim that he's still unwell. So whether or not it's true, he has yet to slip up."

"Thor was upset when he left Loki's room a couple of nights ago, and Odin himself made a very long visit that night." Hogun pointed out, stopping Sif in her tracks. "Something of interest happened. If we ply him with enough ale we may be able to persuade Thor to talk about what's weighing so heavy on him."

"That's a capital idea." Volstagg jumped up. "I will personally fetch a cask of his favorite ale and question the kitchen staff while I'm at it."

"Or swipe pastries." Sif muttered after his retreating back.

But the door hadn't quite closed behind him before they heard his voice boom "Good afternoon, your majesty!"

The others traded a look. "So how is that new armor working for you?"

"Oh just splendid. The fastenings are a little stiff though."

"Are they really? Well I suppose that's to be expected with new equipment, but perhaps you should see what the weaponsmith can do about it."

"Have you tried fish oil on them? The groom used it to clean my saddle by mistake the other week, and I've never felt it so soft."

"Oh, good afternoon your majesty!"

"Good afternoon Sir Fandral, Sir Hogun, Lady Sif. How fare you?" The queen certainly looked more relaxed than she had been lately, whatever that meant.

"Quite well your majesty."

"Rather well, thank you."

"Just splendid, and you? You look radiant as always."

"You are a charmer as always. I am well."

"If you don't mind my asking, your majesty, how is Loki doing? Thor told us he was ill."

To their relief, she seemed to welcome the question. "He is improving. As a matter of fact, you will see for yourself in a few minutes. I thought him in need of some fresh air and a change of scene, so he and Thor will be coming to join you for the afternoon. I have just come to judge for myself whether I should send for more pillows to be brought out here."


	13. Chapter 13

"This is embarrassing." Loki grumbled into Thor's shoulder as his brother carried him through the halls.

"At least you're wearing real clothes." Thor pointed out, "We could be making you do this in your underwear, or in one of those horrid things Midgardians have to wear when they see the healers."

"I don't want to know, do I. Point taken."

"I'll tell you the story some day. After your ribs are fully healed I think so that you do not cause yourself pain laughing at me." He felt Loki smile despite himself.

Loki could have done without the looks he got when they entered the balcony. He felt all too aware that he was badly underweight, had his leg in a splint, and was being carried by his brother. There was nothing he could do about it, but his self-consciousness made him wish he'd argued a bit harder against this idea. And there was something more than pity and concern in those looks. Something not so nice and unexpected coming from friends, that made him feel vaguely unwelcome. Had he taken some stupid risk in the battle and endangered them? That wasn't like him. Perhaps the unfriendly tension he felt from them was intended for Thor? They were in the same spot, after all, and reckless stunts were far more Thor's style than his own.

There was a moment of awkward silence after he was settled on a couch as they looked at each other. Finally Hogun broke the silence.

"It is good to see that you are recovering well."

Loki relaxed a little. "Thank you. I'm told the internal damage is mostly healed, and that makes life much less painful."

"Good thing you haven't got a spleen to rupture." Fandral couldn't help cracking, shooting a glance in Thor's direction.

"Again." Loki grinned and shot a mischievous look of his own at Thor, who was turning red. "No thanks to my dear brother."

Hogun smirked a little. "That was not one of his brighter moments."

Even Sif smiled wickedly. "I wonder, Thor, what stung more. Was it the spanking your mother gave you-yes, we know about that-"

"…Or was it getting your hammer privileges revoked?" Loki finished for her.

"Oh shut UP."

"No. You destroyed a gallery and knocked your poor little brother through a wall because you were too lazy to keep track of Mjolnir and decided to summon it from the other end of the palace. We're going to keep right on making fun of you for catching hell."

"Is that how it is? Well in that case I feel I must remind the group of the time you lost a drunken bet and had to gallop naked to the swimming hole and back."

"Oh please, that doesn't even compare."


	14. Chapter 14

The tension in the air noticeably lightened as the five of them soundly abused Thor for his many past… mishaps. Loki's favorite was the time that Thor had attempted to make a dramatic flying exit and forgotten that he was indoors. It was one of the few times that the great klutz had managed to injure himself rather than others. Especially rather than his little brother. Loki had been caught in the line of fire, so to speak, much more than his share of the time due to simple proximity and took a little sadistic pleasure in Thor landing on the receiving end of his own accidents once in a while. He shifted against his pillows and relaxed. Whatever had happened that he couldn't remember, his friends were the same as ever. Older, but the same people.

Sif was enjoying the afternoon more than she wanted to admit. It felt like the old days, lounging on "their" balcony teasing one another. Loki being bandaged and pale wasn't even out of the ordinary, though usually if Loki was injured then Thor would be trying to hide that he was sitting on a pillow. That had been funny, especially if Loki was pissed off enough to start turning the pillow into other things. None of them had ever been able to stay angry at Thor for his constant thoughtless accidental destruction for too long though when they knew he'd had his hide tanned for it by the queen, not even the ones who'd gotten hurt.

It was too much like the old days. Why hadn't Loki slipped up yet? He might be the god of lies, but they'd known him all their life. They knew how to read him. Thor claimed his brother had no memory of the past five years, and she believed that Thor truly believed what he said, but she had trouble believing that story. It was just too convenient. Fake collapse when arrested, fake a few injuries (or exaggerate them, the palace healer was not easily fooled) and fake memory loss of everything for which he could be put on trial. There was no way that he wasn't up to something. Right?

And yet it was so very convincing. It was no coincidence that Fandral had mentioned that particular incident. Sif was certain that it was on all of their minds after seeing him carried in looking so small and weak. The last time they'd seen him carried in that manner, he'd been unconscious in his mother's arms as she'd stalked past them in the hall, barely slowing to order Thor to his room in the scariest tone they'd ever heard from her.


	15. Chapter 15

"What happened." Loki stubbornly stayed half sitting despite his exhaustion when Thor laid him back on his bed. "I didn't miss the looks going on out there. There's some big secret nobody's telling me, and that makes me think it's something about me." Thor paled under his tan, and Loki knew he was right. "Is it about how I was injured? Are you trying to avoid traumatizing delicate little me with the details of some ordeal that I can't remember?"

Thor sank down on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. Of course Loki would pick up on such things. How he never could be sure, but that was why Loki picked up on these things and he did not. And how did he even explain it. How did he avoid recreating the monster that had been absent since their return? They couldn't not tell him. If he regained those memories without them intervening somehow, the monster would come back.

"Brother?" Loki jolted him from his panicked thoughts, "Or are you trying to protect yourself from those memories by pretending they didn't happen?"

"Both." Thor forced himself to raise his head and look at his brother, so clearly frail, skeletal and pale but looking at him with such determination and bravery. He had no choice. "Terrible mistakes were made, though many of them we didn't know about until very recently. Chains of events with catastrophic results were begun." He struggled for the words, Loki watching him sharply. "You were a victim of these mistakes and the events they caused. You suffered greatly, and we failed you. I don't know that I can ever truly forgive myself, or Father and Mother, or even our friends, for not recognizing sooner what was happening and doing something to help you."

The struggle to understand was clear in Loki's face. "But what was happening? Was there no battle but something else? Or was there a battle and I was weakened such that I could not defend myself?"

"No, there was a battle, and you put up a splendid fight." He assured him, leaving out a few details. "You don't know the relief I felt when you woke with neither symptoms nor memory of your previous ailment." He felt tears welling up in his eyes, a fact not missed by Loki, who nestled against him in a weak attempt at hugging him without falling over. "You were losing your mind. We didn't recognize the signs until it was too late. We should have called a mind healer the first time you did something out of character, the first time one of your pranks crossed the line from funny and impeccably planned to reckless and dangerous."

"They think I'm still dangerous." Loki whispered, "They're worried the madness will return." He looked up at Thor, jade eyes very round, "Why did you allow me in battle if I was not right in the head? Your choices of words imply that you knew by then."

Thor held him closer, suddenly unwilling to let go of him. "We did not allow you in battle. You simply showed up from we know not where." Loki looked quizzical, and Thor took a deep breath, bracing himself. "We thought you were dead until you showed up. You tried to kill yourself some time earlier and disappeared, and we believed that you had succeeded. We don't know how you survived or where you were between then and the battle."

"Father said you thought what I saw during the seizure might be a memory." Loki's voice was muffled against his brother's body. "Is that why it was so scary, because I was seeing insanity through sane eyes?"

"Almost certainly. Do you remember what you saw?"

"No. Just that it was upsetting."

"Based on the fragmented description as you were coming out of it, I think what you saw was your suicide attempt." Loki whimpered. Thor awkwardly petted him, not daring squeeze him tighter for fear of causing him pain. "Are you regretting asking questions?"

"Kinda. I need to understand what happened in the time I can't remember to make sense of the changes in the world. But I wish I didn't. I was happier not knowing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. Well. That could have turned out worse than it did considering that Thor is definitely not good at this sort of thing.


	16. Chapter 16

"I had to tell him about the past." Thor informed their parents grimly. "Not the full story, but I had to explain why our friends looked at him how they did."

"Do you think he is regaining his memory?" Odin's steepled fingers told them he was thoughtful.

"He claims not, but I wonder if being told about it will cause him to remember."

"We can't hide the past from him if he's asking questions." Frigga pointed out, "When he wants to know something, he finds a way. Remember when he got it in his head to find out if that bedtime story you used to tell the boys could have really happened?" Odin and Thor both winced.

"This has the potential for far greater consequences than accidentally turning a servant into a donkey." Odin turned to Thor. "What did you tell him?"

"That he was going mad and I wasn't sure if I'd ever really forgive any of us for letting it happen to him and not seeing what was happening and doing everything in our power to help him. That he was dangerous when he wasn't right in the head, though I think he could have guessed himself that he would be. That he tried to kill himself and we believed him successful until he showed up at the battle from which I brought him home. He does not know that he was the enemy in the battle."

"I don't know if mad is the right term, but I am no mind healer and he could certainly be described as deeply troubled. How did he respond?"

"It greatly pained him, but he looked to me for comfort instead of pushing me away as he has in recent years."

Frigga looked relieved, Odin thoughtful. "You know that if he regains his memory he will have to be punished as a war criminal. But perhaps this indicates he will show remorse if and when that happens and a lightened sentence will be possible."

"I have an idea." Thor put in, "There's something the humans do that they explained to me. Their criminals can avoid normal punishment if mind healers will testify that their actions were a result of madness or being troubled. They are put in treatment for those problems until such time as the mind healers deem them cured and reformed, whether or not they want treatment. Could we not do the same with Loki?"

Odin nodded slowly. "That would be a good starting point. Closely monitored, of course. We can reassure the people that action has been taken and deal with new developments as they come without as much scrutiny."

"I like that better than any other idea." Frigga admitted, "And nobody will question keeping a prince's punishment a fairly quiet affair. It is only expected." The two men made noises of agreement. "Who will break the news to Loki that he is to see a mind healer whether he wants to or not?"


	17. Chapter 17

This time Loki was the first to catch it. It was just a slight muscle spasm in his hand, but he remembered what had followed the last time he'd started twitching. Or enough of it to dread what came next.

"Thor," He tugged at his brother's sleeve, cutting off the (glorious, Loki was sure) battle story that he was spouting. "I'm… getting twitchy." Why why _why_. Why here in front of an _audience_? This was even worse than being carried around.

Thor just about jumped out of his skin. "Clear a space of furniture!" The others stared blankly. Loki would have blushed, but he was a little preoccupied by the rapidly multiplying twitches and the wave of terror as he realized he would almost certainly see more horrors from the years that he couldn't remember.

Thor scooped him off the couch and barked at the others again. "Clear a space! He's got a seizure coming on!" This time they hopped to, just barely in time.

_He was surrounded by… creatures. Twisted grayish things that stood on two feet and wore a sort of armor, but were otherwise nothing like any race he had ever met. They snarled and poked at him with their spears like little boys poking a particularly interesting specimen of roadkill with sticks. He scrambled backward over rough rock that cut his hands, realizing that he hadn't the faintest idea where he was. This enraged them, and he was pinned against the rocks, a spear point digging into his throat just over his pounding pulse. Then they parted to let through another creature, similar but not quite the same and if anything more horrifying, with a bloody look to its mouth._

_"What is this?" He demanded, mustering his bravery, "How dare you threaten me? Do you know who I am?"_

_The creatures laughed and shoved spear points harder into every gap in his armor. "Do tell." The other hissed with a toxic smile, "What makes you so important that we should not make you our new toy?" Its fingers trailed across Loki's face, burning as if covered in acid. "What use is it to us to show you mercy?"_

He was lying on the floor of the nice familiar balcony where he had whiled away many an hour with his friends, soaked in sweat and hyperventilating, Thor bending over him and telling him to take deep breaths. A phantom of that burning touch still lingered on his face, and he clawed at it blindly although a rational part starting to wake again in the back of his mind realized it was just his imagination even as his hands were caught and pinned to the floor.

"Their toy." He gasped out, still disoriented, trying to make himself remember the fleeing fragments so he could _understand_. "Gotta be useful. Don't wanna be their plaything. They wanna torture me for en'ertainment."

His head was clearing and the memory gone but for what he'd just said, but he was drained, too tired to do anything but lay panting on the floor.

"Can I release you without you hurting yourself?" So it was Hogun who had the iron grip on his wrists. He nodded weakly and as soon as he was released he found himself swept up and draped against his brother's massive torso. He didn't protest the indignity. It was more comfortable than the floor.

"Just when I think you're getting better you give me a new scare." Thor was rubbing his back, as much trying to comfort himself as Loki. "I'm scared to leave you unattended if you're going to hurt yourself."

"Di'n't mean to." Loki mumbled into his shirt.

"We're calling in a mind healer." Thor informed him bluntly. This was as good a way as any to tell him. "They'll know what to do about this." He expected some resistance but received only a weak nod, barely perceptible against the younger man's trembling.


	18. Chapter 18

"Cut it out Loki. I know you're awake. I'm a little brighter than Thor is, if you hadn't noticed." He kept his eyes closed and breathing steady. He couldn't face them, not after yesterday. _Why_ had that had to happen in front of an audience? He didn't really want to face _anybody_. The tiny fragments that he remembered haunted him. Someone had wanted to torture him and use him for a toy if he couldn't prove his usefulness. Who? Or what? And how had it happened? Had his family and friends let this happen to him? Was that one of the mistakes made at his expense that Thor had mentioned?

Sif sighed and tapped her foot on the floor. "If you don't stop this absurd charade right now I will jump on you." She would do it, too. Loki opened one eye. " _There_ we go. Progress."

"Why are you in my bedroom?"

"Because you're holing yourself up and sulking instead of spending time with your friends." _And I want to observe you_ "Aren't you supposed to be getting fresh air? You could at least sulk out in the gardens."

He rolled over on his back and shot her a petulant glare. "My leg is broken, if you hadn't noticed."

She raised an eyebrow, amused despite herself. "You can't just teleport?"

"I'm not strong enough yet."

"You really hate having to be carried around by Thor, don't you? I bet you want a break from his constant company too."

"I love him, but…"

"But yes."

"Yes."

"Well I need a break from him too. You can pick the lock to the rooftop garden, right? I'm sure you can handle hopping to the end of the hall if you lean on me."

He looked at her suspiciously. "I guess so. Since when do you tire of him?"

She laughed. "You've really forgotten a lot. I got over that silly teenage crush years ago. Besides, the boys are busy comparing codpieces again."

Loki rolled his eyes and summoned clothes from his closet. "Well you know what they say about overcompensation…Now turn around while I dress."

She obediently turned, but couldn't resist ribbing him a little. "It's not like you haven't been seen without clothes by plenty of people lately."

"Yes, all too many."


	19. Chapter 19

"Why did I go along with this?" Loki gave Sif his most pathetic look from his position sprawled on a bench.

"Because you were bored of pretending to be asleep. Budge up and make room for a lady to sit."

"Nope, can't move. Too tired."

"Oh really." She pounced, tickling him. He squeaked (oh how she'd missed that squeak, she'd had such fun trying to get it out of him when they were children) and automatically tried to squirm away, half falling off the bench with a yelp of pain.

She immediately stopped, mortified, and kneeled next to him. "Oh crud. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She put a hand on his shoulder when he didn't respond immediately. "You alright? Do I need to get the healer? I'm so sorry."

"Ow." He took a deep breath and his position relaxed a little bit, but he remained sitting on the grass rather than returning to the bench. "No. I'll be okay. Jarred my leg pretty hard. You jerk."

"Whoops." Sif blushed, suddenly realizing just how close they were. Their faces less than a foot apart, a silky strand of his hair brushing against her hand where it lay on his shoulder. Gosh that was really silky. Her girly side was jealous. A man had no right to so casually wear looks for which most maidens would have killed. Ivory skin, silky hair, apparent ability to eat absolutely anything without gaining weight. And those eyes! He looked up and they locked eyes by accident for a moment, and all she could think about was how unusual a shade of green they were and how long his lashes were. He blushed too and they both looked away. What the hell was that? He was supposed to be the enemy. Never mind that she was starting to think that maybe he wasn't. She still needed to be on her guard with him, because she didn't quite know what to think of him. She should not be noticing how pretty a man he was.

Loki's thoughts were just as conflicted. He knew that the weird teenage almost-romance between Sif and Thor was over and had been for years, but he didn't remember those years so it was hard to wrap his mind around it not even remotely existing anymore. It felt weird to notice her in this way, but she was looking at him very appreciatively and he had to admit she wasn't unattractive. He liked that she was strong and didn't hide herself behind layers upon layers of petticoats and makeup and frills. She didn't need or expect to be treated like she was delicate, but was still unmistakably female in form. He wondered if that was why the thing with Thor had ended. Had he pressured her, even accidentally, to be like the other ladies at court? Loki was sure Sif wouldn't have taken too well to that.

They both stared awkwardly at the grass for a minute before the silence got too much for Loki.

"Tell me a story." He declared. "I don't like this… hole in time. I want to know of the adventures we had. The times we caught Fandral with his pants off."

That drew a laugh. "There are too many of the latter to count. I'm sure he's bedded every woman in the capitol besides the queen and myself by this point."

"Man-whore." His tone was affectionate. "Tell me a story."

"Hmmm." She leaned against the bench. "Your memories cut off just before your 18th birthday, right?" He nodded. "Well, your party was interesting. Someone had the bright idea of trying to throw you a surprise party. It was actually pretty fun once you got over the shock and we put out the decorations you accidentally set on fire…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see this coming? (Will they act on it? Stay tuned!) I have plenty of other stuff planned. What's developing here is one of a whole list of things I've got in store for him. So while we've hit a sort of turning point in the last few chapters of him starting to really take an active part in his recovery and figuring out what happened in the time he doesn't remember, the story is far from over.


	20. Chapter 20

"It's a little unusual to assess someone without interviewing them first, but being as you can't remember the years in which you showed clear symptoms I have to mostly go off the accounts of others." The mind healer had pages of notes with him, presumably from talking to others about him. Loki didn't feel entirely comfortable with that thought, but he wasn't going to argue. He wouldn't admit to being scared, but he was. He hated this hole in his memory. He hated the vague mentions of what he'd missed, the uncertainty of not knowing what he'd done except that it had been bad. He _needed_ to understand, because he _needed_ to not feel helpless and lost.

"But you're going to help me get my memory back, right?" He couldn't keep the pleading tone out of his voice.

The mind healer appeared a little surprised at his willingness. "I'm certainly going to try. According to the notes from the healer who treated you on your return, you had considerable cerebral hemorrhage, which is…"

"I know what that is. I do read, you know. So you think it's just residual trauma and my memory may still return with time?"

"I…Yes. I think it is likely that you will regain at least some of your memory depending on the extent of damage. I believe the best course of action is to see what I can do to speed your recovery and to help you cope with the memories that you regain and anything else that troubles you."

Loki nodded. "Where do we start?" Putting it in more scientific terms that way made him feel better. He could understand that better than the vague words his family had used. Especially Thor. He loved his brother, but he didn't know much about anything and translating got tiring. Loki was quite sure that he had not been genuinely mad. Given the talk of mistakes made at his expense, he would put his money on traumatized, depressed, emotionally scarred, but not mad. He remembered the party with the hallucinogenic mushrooms, trying them himself, watching others who'd taken them, helping cover up the evidence when Father had caught wind of something going on. Those were as close to true madness as a sane person could get, and he was certain that it would have been quickly discovered had he been anything comparable to that.

"We'll start by checking how your head is healing." A blue glow gathered around the mind healer's hands. "Hold still while I do the scan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that went well. Really well. I almost wanted to have him resist it, but I just couldn't. He reminds me so strongly of someone else the way Tom Hiddleston plays him in the movies that I feel like deviating too far from how that person handled some similar things would cause the character to lose his believability. So I let him keep that desperate need to understand and intellectualize things and be in control. And frustration with unqualified people trying to explain his mental state and getting it wrong.  
> I also do want to take a moment to address the mind healer. I picture specialties among Asgardian healers being divided up not _quite_ the same as among Midgardian doctors, so a mind healer combines some of the stuff a psychiatrist would do and some of the stuff a neurologist would do and basically covers everything brain-related (although GP/ER-type healers like the one who tended to Loki previously of course do a little of everything) while leaving other parts of the nervous system and the more "worried well" sort of complaints that psych handles to other specialties.


	21. Chapter 21

Loki was curled up (as much as was comfortable) with a book when Odin arrived to check on his son. It was a heartwarmingly _normal_ sight, even if the massive tome dwarfed him a little more than it had in years.

"Good evening, Father." He smiled, but his mind seemed still on his book.

"Good evening, my child. You're looking much improved. Did your session with the healer go well?"

He set aside the book. "I think so. He checked how my head is healing, said it looked much better than the report from when I first returned. Then we talked about the things I've been told since returning and the seizures and he taught me some things to try when I'm coming out of them to try and stay calm and to maybe remember the events I saw. I'm feeling a little more optimistic now about my recovery."

"That is wonderful news. Are your friends treating you well? Your mother tells me that you have been visiting with them."

Loki nodded. "It was a little awkward at first, but they've warmed up. I almost forget about the missing years at times."

"I am so glad you're happy." Odin looked at him with an uncharacteristically tender expression that brought a lump to Loki's throat. "I was worried. But maybe all that really is behind us and we can have a second chance and do things right."

"I…Err…Okay?" Loki hesitated. "What weighs on your mind, Father? I can tell there is still something troubling you."

Odin seemed to struggle for words. "There is something we kept from you for far too long, because your mother and I did not wish to acknowledge it. We would keep the secret for all eternity, but a couple of years ago you discovered it by accident in the worst way possible and we fear that if we do not tell you ourselves then history will repeat itself."

Loki took a deep breath, tension rising. "Tell me. What is it."

"You… are adopted."

Loki's heart skipped a beat. "Adopted." He whispered, "Who are my real parents?"

"Your _biological_ parents." Odin corrected, coming to sit next to him and putting an arm around his stiff shoulders. "We are your real parents. You are just as much our son as Thor is. Your _biological_ parents were enemies of the realm who abandoned you when they fled, and I found you and brought you home. No child deserves that and we had been trying for a second child anyway." Loki looked shell-shocked. "We kept it a secret because we didn't want anybody, least of all you, questioning your right to this family and possibly eventually the throne."

 _That_ got Loki's attention. "You would make an adopted child your heir?"

"Indeed. In fact, you have acted as king for a time when Thor was banished and I fell into the Odinsleep. You were not ready yet for it, but you showed great promise and proved that you thought more like a king than Thor did."

Loki's mind was reeling. "I was king? Thor was banished? You thought I did better than him?"


	22. Chapter 22

"Yup, Thor got banished for a while." Loki and Sif were stretched out on the grass in the rooftop garden again, soaking up the sun while Thor and the Warriors Three attempted some harebrained scheme to impress some maiden or other. "He started a war with Jotunheim because what was supposed to be his coronation got ruined."

"Impressive." Loki twisted his head to look at her. "Did he have a shouting match with Father in the bifrost room? I have the vague image in my head of them standing in the bifrost room yelling at each other for being fools but it lacks context."

Sif rolled over to face him. "Possibly. Hogun and Volstagg and I were a little preoccupied with getting Fandral to the healer, but they did both seem a bit agitated."

"Probably more than a bit if he started a war."

"Well he did get banished for it. The rest of us weren't punished since we were following a direct order from a superior, but I suspect you would have gotten in trouble too had you not been the one to tattle on us."

He rolled his eyes at her choice of words. "And I bet I saved all our hides, too, knowing Thor's planning skills."

"You did." She admitted. They lay there on the grass a while in content silence until Sif got an idea. "Hey Loki, can I play with your hair?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "…Are you about to exact some sort of sadistic revenge for pranks long past?"

She grinned. "Only one way to find out." He raised an eyebrow at her. She raised one right back.

"Oh fine." He rolled over on his stomach and propped his chin on his arms. "Go ahead then." She sat up and ran her fingers through his hair. "Oh. Ahhhh, wow. Mmmmmm. You can do that all you want."

**

"Very pretty." Loki vanished the mirror he had conjured. "I must commend your handiwork."

"Admit it, you like having your hair played with."

He gave her his best are-you-crazy look. "I never denied it. It's an enjoyable sensation."

"You were practically purring."

"…and?" His playful expression dared her to elaborate on the purring thread and drew a hint of color to her cheeks.

She got up hurriedly and offered her hand to help him up. "And it appears to be suppertime now."

He levered himself onto the nearby bench and then to his feet, somehow managing to make leaning on a cane with flowers in his hair look elegant. "Well then milady, would you do me the honor of walking with me to the great hall?"

Warrior or not, Sif couldn't help giggling. "Are you really going to go to supper with your hair full of bright pink flowers?"

"Well whyever not?" His expression was all wide-eyed innocence, "They all think I'm crazy anyway, might as well give them something to stare at." She rolled her eyes, grinning.

"Too cute to be crazy." It popped out before she realized that she was thinking it.

He turned bright red. "You… you think I'm cute?"

Now she was blushing crimson as well. "I, well, that is, I just meant…" He hobbled forward a step, closing the gap between them, and silenced her stammering with a kiss.


	23. Chapter 23

"…really think you could improve the range if the aerodynamics were revisited. I've come across some really interesting ideas for how to reduce the drag in the book I'm reading." Loki continued their discussion about the mechanics of throwing knives, apparently oblivious to the looks he was getting.

"Oh, well that's a good thing." Sif was having trouble keeping up. She was good with weapons but less familiar with the science side of them, and the effort involved in containing her confused emotions wasn't helping. It was hard not to laugh when she was quite certain that he was purposefully speaking technically to confuse the busybodies trying to eavesdrop as they made their slow way past their seats. The supposedly crazy prince wearing the most ridiculous pink flowers that she could find in his hair while speaking what must sound to them like gibberish about knives… and somehow keeping a straight face. She had no idea how he did it, but watching him messing with people was better than the theater. No wonder the humans thought him the god of mischief.

She didn't know what to think of how much she was enjoying his company, let alone that kiss. This was Loki, not the strong simple warriors with whom she normally socialized. He was supposed to be up to something. She was supposed to be observing him to figure out what. She believed that he truly was as badly hurt by the battle as he was supposed to be, she had seen the proof, but the change from how he'd been before was difficult to wrap her mind around. Part of her still expected evilness, even if a growing part of her was charmed by the fact that he was attractive and funny and respected her as both a warrior and a woman, quite possibly the only person with whom she didn't feel any pressure to prove herself. So yes, she had a bit of a crush, but she didn't _want_ to like him. That he had found out and apparently had feelings for her too complicated things. She didn't like feelings interfering with her life. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she was more than a little worried that he'd go back to how he was before as his memory returned.

"Aw, they're not back yet." He eased his leg over the bench at the friends' preferred table with a wince. "I had hoped to see Thor's reaction to what you did to me."

"Promise me you won't tell him some tall tale and get me in trouble if you see him before I do?"

His eyes glinted with mischief. "What about if you spy him first?"

She gave him as exasperated a look as she could muster (which wasn't easy) and primly settled herself next to him. "You know what I meant."

"Do I?"

At the top table, Frigga was hiding her chuckles behind a napkin. Odin looked at his wife quizzically, and she inclined her head in the direction of their son. "Thor should never have told him that people thought he was crazy. He seems to be having fun with it."


	24. Chapter 24

"How went your adventure yesterday?" Predictably, Thor missed the smirk that Loki didn't even bother to hide. He knew how their outing went, having seen them slink in late in the evening covered in a colorful and fragrant mixture of…something.

"T'was a grand adventure! Some jealous rogues took offense to our invitation that the maiden join us…"

Loki only half paid attention to the rest of the story, mentally paraphrasing it in the back of his mind as he took advantage of his brother's distraction to mull over other things. They'd tried to sweep the maiden off her feet and take her on a date of some sort, neglecting the fact that she was working, which her boss had not appreciated. (Should he have kissed Sif yesterday? She seemed very distant today. He hoped she wasn't offended by his boldness. Now that he thought of it, he hadn't stopped to ask if she was seeing anyone.) The maiden hadn't been too impressed by them either, which they didn't seem to grasp except maybe Hogun. (Loki was pretty sure Sif had been flirting with him lately, hadn't she? She certainly responded in kind when he flirted with her, and she tended to blush a bit when they touched or locked gazes by accident.) The fight they staged to show off their prowess in battle hadn't gone as intended either, and instead they had merely looked foolish. (Trying to prank him back by putting flowers in his hair was totally flirting. If it'd been just revenge for something she could and would have done something way worse than that. The flowers were too cute a joke and she'd spent way longer playing with his hair than was necessary for putting flowers in it.) Apparently their status did not exempt them from getting thrown out of bars straight into the muck heap out back by enchanted security systems. (Had he taken things too far messing with the old busybodies at dinner? They'd both laughed about it until their sides ached afterwards.) So after multiple attempts to re-enter, they'd decided to buy a keg and stake out the employee entrance to catch her when she got off work.

"You're such pigs sometimes." Sif's tone wasn't angry, just matter-of-fact, as she stood up and left. The men stared after her, Thor and the warriors puzzled, Loki thoughtful. He had a hunch her departure wasn't due to the others being pigs, and he was pretty sure he knew where she was going.

He teleported to the rooftop garden and sat, invisible, to wait. Less than a minute later she appeared and flopped down with a huff. Right in his lap.

He turned himself visible again. "Fancy seeing you here."

She just about jumped out of her skin. "Loki! Damnit, that's right, you can teleport again. Why did you follow me up here?"

Normally he'd make a snarky comment about having arrived first, but he didn't. "Because I was afraid I was the reason you were leaving. You've acted distant ever since… yesterday." She was trying to get up, but he kept his arms wrapped around her waist. "I am sorry if I was too forward with you."

She slumped a little in his grasp. "No. No, I have feelings for you, too. That's what scares me. I'm terrified that I'll get attached and then you'll go back to how you were and I'll get hurt."

He tightened his grip. "You think I'm not scared? I'm doing my best to keep that from happening. I'm seeing a mind healer for fuck's sake to keep that from happening. I can't make promises, but I always feel better going into a fight when I know you're by my side."

She twisted to look him in the eye. "Are you really? I know Thor said it, but I thought it was a threat…"

He forced himself not to break eye contact, though a large part of him wanted to disappear and hide. "I'm scared, Sif. All the things I've been told or seen or vaguely remembered of my madness, they terrify me. I'll do anything to stop it from coming back. Even that."

She shifted in his lap to face him better, tangling a hand in his long hair and keeping his head tilted towards her when he tried to look away in shame. "Then you shall have me at your side." She rested her forehead against his. "What right do I have to run from a fight that someone I care for faces so bravely?"

He half smiled, sadly. "It's better to be scared together than alone."


	25. Chapter 25

"Tell me about what happened in Midgard." Loki confronted him before he could leave the balcony. Thor swore in his head.

"Perhaps we should ask the…"

"Stop coddling me! I need to know. You won't talk about it and I'm starting to wonder if maybe we weren't on the same side." Thor looked as if he had been struck, and Loki pushed harder. "I have eyes and ears, brother. And I've begun retaining the things I experience in the seizures, if you hadn't noticed. Is it not better to tell me the truth than let me snoop and speculate on the fragments?"

That worked. Thor sank down on the nearest couch, looking pained. "You are right. The truth is better than the horror stories the mind invents." He paused, considering how to begin. "You are also right that we did not fight for the same side. I do not believe it was by choice on your part though." Loki cocked his head. "During one of your seizures you remembered creatures wanting to torture and make a toy of you if you did not please them. That was news to all of us, so it had to have happened after you disappeared. We believe that they forced you to fight for them, by whatever means."

"What happened."

"The humans had found one of our stolen relics and were trying to use it for a power source. You appeared through a portal opened by it, and stole it and used an unfamiliar magic to bend some of its guards to your will. A group of humans with extraordinary powers and myself were called together to try to get it back and stop the plots in which you were involved. You were… not yourself. The madness we had seen here paled in comparison. I do not know what they did to you to break your mind so fully. But the army that came with you may have been those same creatures that wanted to torture you. They were savage twisted gray things in a sort of armor that none of us had ever seen before."

Loki nodded tightly, a vague picture of a creature like that standing over him tickling at the back of his mind. "I think that…very possible."

"There was much damage, but we defeated them and returned the tesseract to where it belonged and I brought you home."

"I am sorry for the damage I have done." Loki's voice shook and he tried to blink back tears. "I know I can never truly right the wrongs I have done in my madness, but is there anything I can do to help make things better?"

Thor came and knelt before his seat, cupping his brother's cheek in one huge hand and brushing away the tears that escaped with his thumb. "I will visit my Midgardian friends and find out. You are a good man, brother. I know that you would never have done any of those things in your right mind."


	26. Chapter 26

He'd been doing so well. It'd been nearly two weeks since the last seizure, and the memory he'd relived then hadn't been too bad. He'd been getting so hopeful.

It was supposed to be a romantic evening. Thor was out of the way, off visiting his Midgardian friends (and girlfriend) and Loki and Sif had begged off accompanying their friends to the party that Fandral's latest conquest had invited them to in favor of going up to the rooftop garden to watch the sunset and spend some time together without their friends. They'd both agreed that acting outwardly romantic around their lifelong friends would just feel weird, so while they didn't try to hide their relationship they hadn't really changed how they behaved around their friends either. Hogun seemed to have figured it out anyway. Loki was willing to bet his favorite helmet that Thor was completely oblivious. If Volstagg or Fandral guessed, they hadn't given any sign of it.

"Are you shivering? I thought it was supposed to be the man that offers the lady his jacket, not the other way around." Sif teased him, "Though you probably would fit into my clothes." Loki stuck his tongue out at her. "Ooh, careful or I'll bite that."

"What kind of threat is _that_ supposed to be?" He laughed and ducked as Sif halfheartedly swatted at him, falling off the bench when the arm he was using to keep his balance as he dodged spasmed. "Oh _Hel_ no."

Sif was by his side in a second. "Are you alright…Oh no, this isn't what I think it is, is it?"

_He stood, a crowd of kneeling humans before him, in some paved courtyard. Illusionary doubles of him were positioned around the crowd, fully armored and armed with a short very ornate spear that glowed blue. That same spear hummed distractingly with magic in his hands as he heard his own voice taunting about how they could not handle ruling themselves and should allow him to do it for them. An old man stood and defied him, and he stalked toward the human with a clear threat in his voice and gait, tried to blast him with a bolt of magic from his glowing spear, but another human dropped from the sky in front of him, deflecting the blast with his shield so that it rebounded and knocked Loki off his feet. He recognized this human, evidently, and they fought, the upper hand unclear. Then a second… thing… came shooting out of the sky, this one armored from head to toe and shooting energy bolts of its own, and shot him clear across the plaza with an energy blast. He slammed against the pavement and back into the present._

Sif didn't realize that she'd been holding her breath until finally Loki lay still. He stared unseeingly at the darkening sky a second, wheezing, and then squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to steady his breathing.

She knelt at his side and took his hands, squeezing them. "It's over. You're okay." Well, not _quite_ okay. His left hand was slick with blood, and she realized with a start that he must have cut himself deeper than she'd thought when he hit the bench in his flailing. "Everything is going to be okay."

He finally looked up at her, eyes dull with pain that she knew wasn't from his bleeding arm. "I'm a monster."

Her heart skipped a beat. If he'd just remembered his true parentage… "No you're not." She pulled him into her arms despite his stiffness.

"I tried to take over a world! And _hurt_ people! On purpose! People who I don't _think_ did anything to wrong me!" Ah. Well, at least it was something of which he had some warning?

"You were tortured, manipulated. Those creatures broke your mind and bent you to their will. You _know_ that. You're worn out and you've hurt yourself thrashing about. You need rest and healing." The hand that wasn't carding through his hair in an attempt to soothe him gripped his injured arm and turned it over, causing him to look down in surprise at the gash. He pressed his other hand to it and the bleeding slowed substantially but didn't completely stop. They both looked at the partial healing job. "You're too exhausted for magic right now, aren't you." He nodded, giving in and letting his head droop against her chest. "Good thing your room is just down the hall then. Come on, let's get you to bed before you collapse."

\---

"Shall I get a healer to finish seeing to your arm?"

Loki shook his head. "It will heal itself by morning even if I am too tired to actively perform spells."

"At least let me bandage it."

"Very well." He tossed the handkerchief that he had been pressing to it to join his bloodied shirt in the corner and watched his girlfriend clean what was left of the cut. His _girlfriend_. At least as far as he could remember, that was a first for him. "I don't understand why you care for me, but I am grateful to have you."

Sif rolled her eyes. "Loki, you're not a monster. You were kind of a mess for a few years and some unpleasant creatures took advantage of it to force you to do things that you'd never do normally. The fact that these memories cause you such pain is _proof_ that you're not a monster. As is how hard you're fighting to avoid it ever happening again."

"So you're saying the Chitauri are the monsters, not me?" He didn't know why he suddenly remembered the word, but he felt it was right. "I think that's what they were called, anyway."

She pressed fresh gauze to the wound and began wrapping it. "There are very few true monsters. Most of those creatures probably weren't real keen on the idea either. It only takes a few ill-intentioned people in positions of power to do great damage. You _know_ that, you've read the entire library."

He looked at her, head cocked to the side questioningly. "And yet we are taught all our lives that some races are monsters and dangerous and untrustworthy. What are we supposed to believe?"

"Our own experiences and instincts."

"Taken a liking to dwarves and frost giants all of a sudden?"

"They're not monsters, not all of them. The bad ones give their entire races a bad name." She gave his arm back with a slight push. "Lie down before you nod off and fall off the bed, silly."

He yawned. "Fine, but only if you cuddle with me. And I suppose you've met good ones?"

She joined him, nestling in close. "Sure have. You have too, you just don't remember it."

He yawned again, eyes already starting to close. "I'll trust you on that."

"Want me to stay?" She was awfully comfortable curled around him.

"'Course I do."


	27. Chapter 27

"You let him off on an _insanity_ plea?" Clint practically shrieked. In the background, Tony was choking on his scotch with Steve patting him on the back a little harder than necessary, Bruce was doing breathing exercises, and Natasha was muttering something angrily in Russian. "He's _not being punished_ for what he did?"

"On the contrary!" Thor's hackles rose in defense of his little brother, "He suffers greatly for his actions. He nearly _died_ of the injuries we dealt him, and his recovery is slow and painful. Nor would it have been fair to try him for crimes that he does not remember committing."

"Oh this is rich." Tony had his breath back, "We're supposed to believe that he conveniently lost his memory of everything he could be punished for? Bull-fucking-shit."

"He lost his memory of the entire past five years, long before any of the damage he did. He was shocked when he woke to find that we were full grown."

"Shouldn't five years be practically no time to your people?" Scientific curiosity had overcome Bruce's internal struggle.

"Five _Asgardian_ years. Time passes differently there than here, and although thousands of your years have passed since my birth, I am still only twenty-five."

Steve did some quick math. "So you're saying that Loki has reverted to a teenager?"

"No." It was Bruce that answered. "Even if his memories cut off in his teens, he'd still have the brain of a 20-whatever he is."

"Twenty-three." Thor supplied.

Bruce nodded. "Yes, thank you. Our brains and therefore our thought processes and experiences of the world continue developing well into our twenties. He may not remember anything past the age of 18, but he surely still has the mental and emotional maturity of a 23-year-old."

"That's beside the point. He's dangerous. Let's pretend for a moment that he is telling the truth about not remembering." Natasha brought the focus back to the issue at hand. "What happens when he regains his memory and goes evil again? If he's let to go free, the past will just repeat itself."

"He _is_ telling the truth and the past _won't_ repeat itself." Thor paced in agitation. "We've taken precautions. The finest healers in the realm have confirmed that his injuries and memory loss are real. He's seeing a mind healer and we are attentive to his needs."

"And when his memory comes back?" Steve prompted, clamping a hand over Tony's mouth as he tried to say something ill-advised. "Ow! Tony! No biting!"

"His memory _has_ begun to return, and with our love and support and the help of the mind healer he is handling it well. He wishes to help mend the damage he has done."

"Right, and I wish to donate my entire fortune to charity. He's the _god_ of _lies_ , and we all know you're not the brightest especially when it comes to him, big guy." Tony wriggled free and put a couch between himself and Steve in case the super soldier tried to muzzle him again.

Thunder started to crackle overhead, and Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "Thor, please…"

Natasha tried to appeal to reason again. "Thor, even if _we_ agreed to it, Fury would never allow you to bring him back here. You know that. Please make the storm stop."

"I'm telling." Clint whipped out his cell phone. "I'm calling Fury and telling him you want to bring Loki back to Earth."

"Finally a sensible plan!" Thor beamed. "He shall be pleased to hear of our success!"

Clint put the call on speakerphone. "Barton, how the hell did you get my private number. This had better be good."

"Oh it is." He assured his boss, "Thor is here and he's trying to persuade us to let him bring Loki back to Earth."

"What, Asgard can't handle the little maniac?"

"I do not appreciate the way you speak of him. He is a prince and he is my brother." Thor cut in. "I come with _glad_ tidings, Director. We have successfully rehabilitated Loki and he wishes to help mend the damage he did!"

They could hear Fury face-palm on the other end. "Are you _insane_? We are _not_ unleashing him on our world again."

"He is no danger to your world! He only wants to help! And he will be supervised!"

"Sure. He'll be supervised right up until he does one of his magic tricks and gives his supervisor the slip." Steve crossed his arms and glared at Thor.

"He won't." Thor asserted. "He is still unwell. For his own safety he won't dare stray far."

"So you say." Fury sounded exasperated. "But I'm not inclined to believe it. I highly doubt he feels any threat to his safety when he has magic at his disposal."

"He does not always." Thor hesitated a moment, knowing Loki would hate for him to disclose it, "He has suffered seizures since his return, and by the time he feels one coming on he cannot safely attempt any magic, nor does he have the energy for some time afterward. He dares not venture far for fear of being caught very vulnerable indeed."

Reactions ranged from disbelieving to "I suppose you did say the finest healers confirmed it." to shock and concern. The latter from Bruce, who immediately made the connection between the Hulk beating him against the floor and brain damage and seizures.

Fury groaned. "Look, I can't talk. I've got an urgent call coming in on the other line. If you come up with a plan that makes _certain_ he can't pull any tricks then I'll _consider_ considering it." _We **could** use a bit of magic to help get people back into their homes_ went unsaid, but Thor heard it all the same and latched onto it with all his might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never liked this chapter very much. I wanted to make things more dramatic and traumatic and stuff, but that's not really my style or the tone of this story. And I didn't want to make things too repetitive, so you can just imagine the arguing about security measures that follows and find out when Loki finds out. I'd rather write his thoughts on it anyway.


	28. Chapter 28

Loki woke to a knock on the door. "H-hello?" He yawned. Last night was a little fuzzy, but there was a warm spot in the bed next to him to confirm that Sif had indeed spent the night. He couldn't help feeling a little proud to have had a maiden in his bed even if they'd done nothing but snuggle and sleep.

The mind healer entered, a chipper contrast to his patient who was still rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Good morning Loki!" He chirped, "Did you forget you had an appointment this morning?"

Loki scrambled out from under the covers sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah I did."

"Anything in particular on your mind?" The mind healer was giving him an odd look. Loki followed his gaze to his arm. Which was still bandaged. He facepalmed.

"That's _not_ what it looks like! I had a seizure last night and didn't make it to an open space in time and was too tired to heal myself afterwards."

"I see." The mind healer didn't believe him. Loki could see it in his eyes.

"I'm telling the _truth_! It was an _accident_!"

"I'm sure it was." The soothing tone was only getting under Loki's skin more. "It's perfectly understandable to have these kind of accidents when you're in the situation that you are. Why don't you tell me…"

"For fuck's sake, he didn't do it to himself." Sif emerged from the bathroom, arms crossed. "I was with him when it happened. We were fooling around in the gardens and didn't catch the seizure coming on in time and he hit the corner of a bench flailing about. He tried to heal it as soon as he realized he was hurt." The annoyed look slipped away as she wrapped an arm around his waist and pecked him on the cheek. "How's it feel, healed yet?"

He cut the bandages off with an effortless spell. The inner layer of gauze was bloody, but his skin unblemished. He grinned despite his irritation, turning to Sif and pointedly ignoring the glaring healer. "See? You worry too much. I told you a scrape like that would heal by morning even without help."

"Fine. I'll keep it in mind that your knowledge of your own magic is infallible even when you're too tired to use it and nodding off on my shoulder." She told him a little sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Now who's _this_ guy?" She eyed the healer distastefully.

Loki repressed the urge to laugh at her protective reaction. "This is the mind healer my parents found. I forgot he was going to be coming by this morning."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, looking the man up and down. "I see."

The mind healer straightened his clothes primly. "Precisely. Now, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, miss, patient confidentiality and all…"

"That's okay." Loki interrupted, "She can stay if she wants to. I don't mind my girlfriend knowing the workings of my mind."

Sif jumped up on the bed, removing her collection of knives to sit more comfortably and shooting the intruder a feral grin behind her boyfriend's back as she started finger combing his mussed hair. "Yeah, he'd just tell me all about it afterward anyway. Besides, I need a day off from the training yards once in a while."

"Well. Right then." The mind healer seemed a little flustered, and Loki wondered what Sif had done behind his back. "It's, uh, _good_ to see that you're cultivating relationships. You said you had another seizure? Would you like to talk about what you saw this time?"

Loki's shoulders slumped. "I suppose we should."


	29. Chapter 29

The tower was even taller than the palace at home. There were lights and shiny things and noises _everywhere_. Midgard was nothing like how it had been the last visit that Loki truly remembered, although it did seem to match with the bits and pieces of his memory that he had recovered. The tower where they'd landed even gave him a funny feeling of deja vu. He must have been there before.

Thor squeezed his shoulder. "Nervous?"

"A little." That was an understatement. "They hate me, after all. Don't try to placate me, we both know that's the truth, I read between the lines when you were talking."

Thor sighed, looking defeated. "Yes. But they will come around when they get to know you and see that you are not who they think you are."

"Will you be staying too?" Loki fought to keep the pleading tone out of his voice, not that Thor was any good at picking up on emotions.

"My friends want me here to keep an eye on you, and I wish to make certain that they do not try to treat you roughly." Thor tweaked his little brother's ponytail lightly. "They may not trust you yet, but all of the precautions that I allowed them to take are ones that will help me ensure that _you_ are safe."

"Thank you?" Loki nervously traced the carvings on the head of his cane, glancing at the giant windows behind which he could feel many eyes watching them.

"Tis better to wear a tracker than chains." Thor pointed out. Loki nodded stiffly. "And if anything happens, it means I can find you. And the additional tightening of the security system of this tower certainly keeps you safer."

"The lack of armor is an improvement." Steve wasn't pleased with this arrangement, but he was going to make the best of it. At least Thor _claimed_ that Loki was helping with the repairs of his own volition.

Next to him at the windows, Tony snorted. "He's got a prissy little _scepter_ or some shit. That's not much of an improvement even if it's nice to see him in clothes that won't protect him if we have to take him down."

"I'm pretty sure that's a _cane_." Bruce came up behind them, a mug of mint tea in his hand. "See how he's leaning on it and has all his weight shifted to one side? And Thor told us he'd broken his leg."

Tony fiddled with the tracker bracelet he was holding. "Hmph. Still can't believe Fury made us go along with this."

"Having magic at our disposal will get the repairs done and improve the quality of life for most of the inhabitants of the city." Steve pointed out. "Believe me I'm not keen on this idea either, but remember, if he tries anything SHIELD gets to keep him and do as they wish. I think Fury is hoping for an excuse."

"And _why_ aren't we armed right now?"

"Setting a friendly precedent. Besides, I'm always armed." Bruce turned his attention back to their visitors and winced slightly as they approached. "Looks like he's still suffering from the last time I fought him. That limp is painful to watch."

"Friends!" Thor greeted them with bear hugs, spilling half of Bruce's tea in the process, "It is good to see you again. Where are the others?"

"Clint and Tasha are running late returning from a mission." The big blond guy answered, one eye still on Loki. They were all watching him, except for Thor. The short guy with the glowing shirt looked just plain hostile, the blond wary, and the one whose drink Thor had spilled some combination of wary and concerned. Loki shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, Thor's implication that his friends might be a danger to him drifting across his mind again.

"Anyhow." Glowing Shirt cut in, approaching with a metal bracelet in hand, "Don't try anything, Reindeer Games. This is a tracker. We will know exactly where you are at all times, and if you try to remove it without the key it will knock you out and sound an alarm."

Thor frowned, suddenly serious. "That was not what we agreed upon."

"Tough luck." He grabbed Loki and stuffed the bracelet on his arm so suddenly and roughly that Loki jumped, landed on his bad leg, and did a butt-plant on the floor.

The others were immediately at his side. "Tony!" The blond scolded, "His balance is impaired. You can't go making him jump like that."

"You okay? Leg alright?" The third guy had abandoned what was left of his drink on the counter and he and Thor knelt next to him.

"Yeah." Loki retrieved his cane and started the awkward process of trying to pick himself up. "Bit sorer than it was, but I don't think any real damage-oof!" Thor had picked him up like he weighed nothing and set him back on his feet before turning to glare at Glowing Shirt--Tony, they'd called him.

"Do not lunge at him like that. He startles easily and as Steve said, his balance is not good at present." He turned back to Loki, motioning to the third man. "If you are hurting, do not hesitate to tell Bruce. He is a skilled healer."

Bruce gave him an encouraging, if still wary, look. "Why don't we move into the living room? If your injury is aggravated you should prop it up and take some painkillers."


	30. Chapter 30

"What's the matter, tired?" The man's tone was taunting, and Loki resisted the urge to react. This one had a special dislike for him it seemed.

"Yes. Even magic has its limits." He didn't bother to point out that he had singlehandedly repaired an entire neighborhood already that day, or that long periods of time on his feet pained him. He didn't feel like a repeat of what happened when Thor made the mistake of suggesting that he sit while he worked for that very reason.

"Should have thought of that before you tried to take over the world." One of them snapped. Either Tony or Clint. The others weren't prone to such open hostility, though Natasha had made some quiet and calm but very explicit threats. He wished they would pitch in instead of standing around guarding him. As if they would know a malicious spell from a beneficial one before he had finished it. Thor and Bruce were being helpful at least, clearing rubble and keeping passers-by well away from where he was working. Loki mentally shook himself and went back to work, sweating from the exertion. He had no right to be irritated at them when he was here to fix the damage he had done to their world.

The slab of concrete that he was levitating back to its place in the side of a building wobbled in the air. Thor eyed it and stopped him when he finally had it secured in place and moved to start on another pile of rubble.

"Nay brother, you need rest." Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw Clint cross his arms and Tony open his mouth to argue. Thankfully Thor plowed on, oblivious as usual. "You always say yourself how dangerous magic is when the sorcerer is tired, and your spells are faltering. You could hurt yourself or someone else."

Bruce joined them. "How are you holding up? You've been on your feet an awfully long time for someone who is still recovering."

"See? He's faking it."

Loki did his best to ignore the speaker, although it stung. "Tiring, but holding up."

Thor wasn't so good at containing his feelings, and he towered over his friends, glowering. "I will not have you speaking of my brother in such a way. He is unwell still and were we in our own realm the consequences for making such accusations of a prince would be severe indeed."

Bruce took a deep breath, trying to ignore the squabble breaking out a few short yards away. "How is your leg feeling?"

Loki didn't seem at all comfortable with the arguing either, which was somehow reassuring. "Sore. I am not accustomed to walking on it quite so much." That was an understatement, and they both knew it.

Bruce eyed the now-yelling Avengers again. "There's a place with decent food about a block away. Lets go get you some lunch and sit down a while."

"You aren't so wary of me as the others." Loki looked up at him shyly over his drink.

Bruce shrugged. "I don't think you're much of a threat at present. I'm confident of my assessment and that of your doctors at home. And I was the one to take you down at full strength, so I think I can manage it in your current state should you give me reason to, which you haven't."

"You?" Loki looked shocked, "I mean no offense…"

"But I don't look capable of it." He smiled gently. "Believe me, I know. You don't remember me from the last time we met."

"I feel I've met you before, but I do not remember it." Loki sipped the fruit juice thoughtfully. "You must be a formidable warrior as well as a skilled healer. Is that unusual here too?"

"Quite."

The com crackled to life. "Bruce?"

"Yeah Steve?"

"You disappeared. Do you have Loki with you?"

"Yeah, took him to get some food and sit down a bit. He's worn out and the shouting wasn't doing either of us any good."

"Thor and Tony and Clint are duking it out in the street and I've had enough of playing peacekeeper. Nat and I are going to come have lunch with you."

The corner of his mouth twisted in amusement. "We're at the Indian place a block away."

Loki was watching with great interest, but waited until the conversation ended to comment. "I do not see a mobile phone on you."

"No, we have something even smaller that we use to communicate among just our team. It's convenient when we need our hands free."

"Could I see it?" Bruce really wanted to say yes. Loki was curious about anything and everything, and had a knack for modern technology that neither Thor nor Steve came anywhere close to.

"Maybe when we get back to the tower. The others will be angry if I take mine off."

Loki clammed up when Steve and Natasha joined them, uncomfortable with the distrustful looks, but full attention was not on him anymore.

"Those three need to control their tempers." Steve grumbled.

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Leaving this one to Fury?"

"Yup." Natasha flagged down the waiter. "I'm sure not stepping in the middle of that if I don't have to. A lecture from him will be much more effective."


	31. Chapter 31

The open hostility let up over the following week of work. It wasn't pleasant by any means, but between his meek behavior and Thor's threats, the Avengers relaxed enough to be merely distrustful of Loki. Enough that Thor felt comfortable making a quick trip home to speak to Odin when Heimdall passed on the news that the dwarves were stirring up trouble, and the others reluctantly let him.

Loki missed Thor. He hated to admit it, but he felt much safer with his big brother there. The Midgardians weren't _mistreating_ him, but they wanted a guard with him at all times and he much preferred it be Thor. Sharing a bedroom with his brother, while unaccustomed, was far more comfortable than trying to sleep, dress, and bathe with a guard at the door.

That was why he was sitting awkwardly in the living room watching TV with the others instead of retreating as was his nature. Being with the group was marginally less weird than being on his own with a guard hovering nearby.

Well. At least it had been until he noticed the tremor in his hands and realized that it had been a couple of weeks since his romantic evening gone wrong. _Shit._

Loki bolted to his feet and hurried for the door, leg screaming at the strain, staggering worse with every stride. It was a futile effort, but he wasn't really thinking straight. He _needed_ to get away from the others. Quickly.

"The hell does he think he's going?" Clint and Natasha were already on their feet, rushing to tackle him, but he hit the floor on his own before they reached him.

_He was holding the Cask of Ancient Winters, staring at it intently. Staring at his hands. His hands were blue. Blue and ridged. Like a Frost Giant. No. No. That couldn't be right._

_A voice behind him- Father- called out, and he froze._

_"Am I cursed?" His voice was rough with fear._

_"No."_

_"What am I?" He set the cask back down and turned._

_"You're my son." Father sounded sad, but wary too._

_"What more than that?" The fear in his voice was starting to turn to anger, and then hysterical amusement, as he slowly approached. "The casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it."_

_Father looked so sad and lost as he approached. "No. In the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple, and I found a baby. Small, for a giant's offspring, abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."_

_"Laufey's son." It was hardly more than a whisper, numb, disbelieving. His gaze slipped, unable to look at his father any longer. Blinking back tears, then steeling himself and meeting the Allfather's gaze once more._

_"Yes." Father looked resigned and heartbroken and Loki knew it was the truth. He heard his breaths quicken raggedly, eyes darting around the room, as his past self began to lose his fight not to panic._

_"Why?" He demanded, barely getting the words out, "You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?"_

_"You were an innocent child." Father's speech was less clear now, almost a mumble._

_"No. You took me for a purpose. What was it." He was fighting to keep control, keep his breathing steady and his voice level, and failing. Father looked at him a moment, obviously searching for words, and he broke. The tears spilled and his voice cracked as he shouted. "TELL ME!" He was panting, starting to truly hyperventilate, and Father stayed so calm. Sad, but calm._

_"I thought we could unite our two kingdoms, one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace, through you."_

_"What?" It was barely a whimper, barely audible over the heaving of his breaths._

_"But those plans no longer matter."_

_It was more and more difficult to get words out. "So I am no more than another stolen relic. Locked up here until you might have use of me."_

_"Why do you twist my words?"_

_"You could have told me what I was from the beginning. Why didn't you?"_

_"You're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth."_

_"What, because I-I-I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?" And now the panic was gone from his voice, replaced only with fury and betrayal. "It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years!" Father sank down on the steps, but he didn't stop shouting. "Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"_

The vault faded into the inside of a Midgardian skyscraper, the Avengers gathered around him as he lay on the floor. Bruce was leaning over him trying to talk him through an exercise to steady his breathing.

He needed to get away from them. He couldn't deal with them just now. He pushed himself up shakily to an almost sitting position. All of them immediately moved to steady him, proving that he looked as unsteady as he felt.

"Whoa, take it slow. You look like you're about to keel over." Clint had never been remotely nice to him before, but now he looked genuinely worried as he gripped Loki's shoulder to prevent him from trying to stand.

"That was worse than watching someone get tazed." Tony blurted. The sound that followed suggested that someone smacked him.

Loki needed to get out of there. He caught Bruce's eye with a pleading look, and the doctor came to his aid.

"Give him space to breathe, guys. Come on, let's get you to bed. Someone give me a hand here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me be the first to say it: What the hell was Thor thinking. Something was guaranteed to happen the minute he left. It's just Murphy's Law. Also due to the differences in how time passes in the different realms I imagine his quick chat taking him away for like a day or two in Midgard-time.
> 
> I debated having the beefed-up tracker or a taser or something set it off, but the shock factor for the Avengers (and the Thor not killing them factor) is better if it comes seemingly out of the blue. After how much of assholes some of them were, I really wanted them all to show him some humanity however briefly.


	32. Chapter 32

"Isn't Reindeer Games usually up by now?" Tony stuffed another donut in his mouth, "I mean, even I'm up and I didn't even pull an all-nighter this time."

"He's probably tired after last night. He could barely sit up. Probably embarrassed too."

"Embarrassed, Steve?"

"Well yes. He hardly knows us but we haven't been exactly pleasant to him. I remember, before my procedure, how embarrassing it was having a bad asthma attack when I was with friends. Having a seizure in front of near-strangers who make no secret of disliking you has got to be a hundred times worse."

Clint picked at his donut uncomfortably, crumbling it instead of eating it. "I see your point." He'd be hiding too, if _his_ embarrassing little weakness got put on display on base in front of the agents who still distrusted him. It was hard enough being around them at present as it was.

"Well are we going out today, or did I get dressed for nothing?"

Steve shrugged. "I don't know. Have some patience, Tony. If he needs rest, we should let him get it. You've heard Thor's lectures about how unsafe it is for a tired sorcerer to be doing magic. We're trying to get displaced people back into their homes, not destroy more of the city."

"How are you feeling?" Bruce sat on the edge of Loki's bed. No response. "I know you're awake. JARVIS tells me you have been all morning." Loki finally acknowledged him with a glare. "Does anything hurt?" A slight head shake. "Still worn out?" A shrug, hugging a pillow tighter to him. "Emotional pain?" An involuntary flinch. Bingo. "JARVIS, don't allow the others to eavesdrop." Loki's gaze darted to him for a second in surprise. "Want to talk about it?" Head shake. "You needn't be ashamed. We all have our weaknesses and embarrassing little secrets, and if anyone should be embarrassed about last night it's me. It's my fault, I caused most of your injuries."

"Still don't really believe you."

"And I'm flattered that you don't. I'd much rather heal than hurt."

Loki remained silent a long time before answering. "I remember things." He mumbled, blushing.

"Pardon?"

"During the seizures. I relive events."

Realization hit. "You relived something traumatic." A nod. "Was someone hurting you?"

"A couple times before. Not this time."

"What happened, if you don't mind my asking?"

"This time, or those earlier times?"

"Either."

"One of the times, I remembered crash landing on the Chitauri planet. I was disoriented. I'd just tried to kill myself, but I wasn't in either of the realms of the dead." He didn't know why he was telling him this, but for some reason he felt like he could. "Their warriors surrounded me, decided I would make a good plaything." Bruce looked horrified. "The other time, I remembered some battle here in Midgard. I was giving some grand and horrible speech, and was accosted by a pair of I presume human warriors who punted me across the courtyard several times. I deserved that one, though, given the things I was saying. Were you one of them?"

"Not that battle. And this time?"

"A conversation with my father. I discovered a secret in a bad way and it drove me mad." He hesitated. "I think I became the monster that I feared." Bruce winced and Loki recoiled visibly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't..."

"No, no I'm not disgusted by you or whatever else you think. I know the feeling all too well."

"Doubt it."

Bruce took a deep breath and opened the web browser on his phone. "I do though. I have an unfortunate habit of turning into what Tony calls a 'giant green rage monster'." He turned the phone, displaying a picture of the Other Guy smashing things with a less than flattering caption, in Loki's direction. "That's me."

Loki actually half sat up, looking closer at the screen. "So _that's_ how you were able to take me down." Bruce nodded. "Maybe you do, then. Nobody told me growing up that I was adopted, let alone that my biological parents were Frost Giants. I found out by accident when I touched a Jotun relic and turned blue. That's what I remembered last night." He bit his lip. "We... We were raised to hate and fear and look down on them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like any Loki story almost has to have basically this conversation with Bruce, because he's the only one who can kind of grasp how Loki feels about the Frost Giant thing. So he's not over it, but he's at least talking. And this time he had some preparation for that discovery.


	33. Chapter 33

The door from the rooftop slammed open, startling everybody. "Friends!" Thor boomed, "I am returned and bringing guests! My friends from home wished to come along and visit Midgard. We must show them a good time!"

"Great." Tony groused, "Thanks for inviting _more_ people into _my_ home without so much as warning me. I hope you at _least_ brought along some of that alcohol of yours that you keep telling me is so much better than mine."

Thor beamed. "You are welcome, friend Stark. As we are having a party, I shall now be off to fetch my lady Jane." He swept out again in a billow of his cape, leaving the Avengers and the warriors staring awkwardly at each other.

"I happen to have on me a flask of ale." Volstagg offered, "If in return someone would be so kind as to introduce me to the Midgardian version."

Tony jumped up. "It's a deal. Right this way." Everybody else rolled their eyes.

"Where's Loki?" Sif asked, scanning the room again.

"He's been hiding in his room sulking since last night."

Sif glared at them. "And what did you do to him to cause it?"

"Nothing. He's embarrassed about having a seizure." Natasha eyed the other woman's collection of sheathed knives with curiosity. "Want me to show you to him?"

Sif waved off a confused Steve, on guard duty at the door, pressing a finger to her lips with a mischievous smile and tackling an unsuspecting Loki who was curled up with his back to the door, pretending to read. He squeaked and twisted around to face her.

"Miss me?" She captured his mouth in a kiss before he could answer. "The boys and I tagged along with Thor."

Loki smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "It has been lonely here without you."

Sif pulled back and tangled her fingers in his hair to keep him from looking away. "What troubles you?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Last night..."

"They told me you had another seizure. Bad memory?" He made a noise of assent. "Tell me about it. Odds are I already know." He hesitated. "Come on, we have to be honest with each other. That's what relationships are about."

The Avengers hovering at the door tactfully withdrew, and Loki took a deep breath. She was going to dump him. He just knew it. But better she find out now than when he had fallen even more in love, right? Right? "You know how I told you I'm adopted?"

Sif's eyes widened. "You remembered discovering your true parentage."

"Yes, I… Wait, you _know_?" What? But… She knew and she was still with him?

"I've known almost since you first found out."

"But... I..." He was a _savage_. A _Frost Giant_. And she _didn't care_?

"You are not a monster, I am not bothered by who your biological parents were, and I love you blue and all." He stared at her like she'd sprouted another head. "Oh come here." She pulled her shocked boyfriend into her arms, and if her shoulder got a little damp, neither said anything about it.

"Feeling better?" Sif asked when she finally felt Loki relax against her.

"Mmmm." He pressed a kiss to the crook of her neck, where his head was resting. "Much. You're too good for me."

"I'm the one who captured a prince's heart and you're the one worried about not being good enough. Ironic."

"Well I won over a both fearsome and beautiful warrior. I win."

"Smart move putting fearsome first." Sif smirked, "That's how we know you're a genius."

A familiar battle roar was heard from down the hall. "Did you say the Warriors Three were here as well?"

"Yep, and Volstagg was trading native alcohols with one of the humans, last I saw."

Loki shot up straight. "I bet it was Tony. We have got to see this."

Sif grinned and bounced up as well. "Now you sound like yourself."

\--

Sif leaned back into the warmth of her boyfriend and enjoyed the show. Loki had been correct. Volstagg and the human called Tony had quickly fallen into a drinking contest, and the results were worth seeing. The two were very much intoxicated and teaching one another increasingly bawdy drinking songs, the human who had been guarding Loki when she arrived was watching them exasperatedly, two more had started a drinking game of their own, Fandral was cheering on both contests, Hogun and the last of the humans that had been there when they'd arrived were attempting to ignore all of it and conduct a conversation, and Thor was engrossed in conversation with his girlfriend with a drink in one hand and Mjolnir in the other. Loki's arms tightened around Sif, and they stole another kiss.

"Honestly, would you relax and put that thing down?" Sif felt the amused twitch of Loki's lips as Jane's frustrated voice drifted over to them. She pulled back a little, eyes dancing.

"Okay, spill, what do you know that I don't?"

The shit-eating grin that he didn't bother to suppress said it all.

"I… find that I cannot." Thor sounded puzzled.

Sif bit back a laugh. "So how long is his hand going to be stuck to the hammer?"

"I don't actually know. I used some sort of human concoction." She playfully swatted at him and he dodged and pinned her to his chest to stave off further swats.

"You're just too much." They both gave in to laughter, and Loki couldn't help but realize just how lucky he was. He had another chance at life and an amazing girlfriend who didn't care about his past or parentage. There would be bumps in the road and people who didn't like him and more memories to recover, some painful, but he'd gotten this far, he could handle it. Everything was going to be just fine.


End file.
